I never made it a habit to take a bunch of photos of myself before a workout, or during one. But the day that I started my marathon training, I felt compelled to take a photo.
I had no idea that this act would represent an omen for the demise of my training along with purchasing my new "26.2" sticker...
I try not to think that I jinxed myself by putting so much effort and thought into my training. But sometimes I think that I set myself up for disappointment by not acknowledging the reality that there was some small chance that I would never make it to the start line. One of the first comments on my 'announcement' on Dailymile was "sometimes things don't end up the way we want it to with running." At the time, I thought it was pointless to say such a thing. I didn't feel one way or the other about it though. I was emotionally drawn to all of the outpouring of sympathy from everyone else but this one comment lingered in the back of my mind for me to deal with once the scab formed over my hurt pride.
Well now the day has come for me to mature a little bit and move beyond thinking that the only 2 knowns in marathon training are 1) you get a new shiny medal and 2) you might lose a little weight and tone up a bit.
I now know that nothing is promised. If it's in God's will and if you train hard, you will accomplish your goal. I think I forgot to acknowledge that first part though. I guess it was God's turn to put the brakes on this until I remembered who is in charge. Sometimes things don't end up the way we want it to... period. I thought that being an athlete was the only thing in my life that I could control. It was my safe place. I train. I accomplish my goal. Rinse and repeat. But it's not that simple. It's like I had to sit down (literally) and realize that things change. Deal with it. No matter what you're working on...things change. Trust God and move on.
And so that's what I'm doing. I think in some subconscious way, I always knew I could never really train for an extreme endurance activity like running a full marathon by just...running. But I never wanted to stop to see if biking and swimming would help me get there. I just wanted to do things the way that everyone else did it. I'm now accepting that I may have to go a different way, God's way, to get to the finish line. I'll take it. He knows what's best.