The Dream Star's Corner

Dare to Dream...and DO!
walk. run. fly.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

NOT Running is making me paranoid

I haven't ran since last Thursday and I'm beginning to hear voices of paranoia. My friends and family don't want me to injure myself any worse than I already have but that didn't stop me from considering a 19-miler last weekend.

But on Friday I went to dinner with my sister who works as a Physician's Assistant at a chiropractor's office. Apparently, the doctor is one of the sports medicine specialists for the RAVENS so she was going to hook me up with an appointment. Over dinner, I told her that I haven't ran in a while but I'm at a crossroads with my training. If I run, I know I have to sit it out afterwards to allow the soreness and swelling to subside. But with all that sitting comes the talk from family and friends telling me I shouldn't have ever ran in the first place. But if I don't run, I move farther and farther away from my goal of running my first marathon.

After 13 weeks of training, you can't just turn it off... after working so hard for 13 weeks, those miles become apart of you. Each long run is a badge of honor and I feel like I'm losing the fight when I sit out another week and miss my long runs. My sister isn't a runner but felt the need to step in and try to help out! She asked me what my symptoms were and right there over our chilean sea bass topped with lump crab meat (omg! that meal was so effing good), she said the words that I wanted to hear...but not really...

"Sounds like bursitis tendonitis to me!"

YAY! Nothing's broken!! But BOOOOOOOOOOO I can't run... or can I? :-/ The question still remained... but her non-doctoral recommendation was to sit out on that 19-miler until I've seen a specialist. She said she would help me get an appointment with her doctor so I was all excited!!

I sent a message to her yesterday asking her for her office number... no response. -.- Well today I plan to run 5 about that specialist... I sent countless messages to her on facebook for the number... no response...

and then the voices started "THEY don't want you to run" "DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! THEY don't know what's best for you but we do!" "Just run on it... that's what ice is for" "Stop being a baby and just run... nothing's broken anyway." "They don't want you to run because THEY don't run... they don't know what it's like... the sweat...the high..." "You only feel tired because you haven't ran enough... and it's THEIR fault!!!" "WHAT IF YOU CAN'T GET TO 20 MILES DURING THE RACE?!??! Then what?!"

I had to snap out of it and take this into my own hands. I was beginning to build a resentment against my sister... thinking her non-response was a conspiracy. I was building a resentment against my boyfriend who fed me cake and chips and salsa BEFORE dinner last night -- cancelling ALL plans to get on the bike and do a weights workout when I got home last night... and my mom, who is a runner (on a good day) but thinks that anything over 5 miles is "TOO much."

I know they love me and they don't want me in pain, but I just gotta know... I need something to hit them with...even if it's a "I talked to the doctor and he said it will hurt but I'm good to go!" kind of response.

And tomorrow I'm seeing a doctor (not my sister's doc/boss but another one)... we'll see what happens...

I just need that peace of mind.

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